Doing even the simplest of tasks while being outnumbered is tough – but doing it outnumbered by a 3 year old and teething 7 month old feels like a self-induced nightmare!
I’d gotten so used to Adrien being home with us in the evenings that this sudden change in his schedule has caused me to reevaluate how I should be regulating my energy throughout the day. I’m still working from home full time and the kids don’t go to daycare so it’s straight from one full-time job to the next with no breathing room in between.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m eternally grateful that my situation allows us to keep both kids at home (a luxury I understand most families don’t get to choose in today’s environment), but it still introduces its own set of challenges. Sometimes I wish I did have the daily commute time to de-escalate before arriving home.
Our bedtime routine usually starts with a timer – this helps our oldest with the transition from playing downstairs to the climb upstairs to begin the preparation for bed. Once upstairs, it’s time for potty, brush and floss teeth, then a short walk to the boy’s room to dress them both in overnight diapers and jimmy-jams before breastfeeding the baby and reading books for the older.
The last two nights, however, were the first times I’ve had to do it alone and it went as poorly as you can imagine… The baby screamed whenever I set him down, the older one didn’t want to brush his teeth or go pee in the potty (he has a fascination with peeing in the tub for some reason), and getting both in their jimmy-jams felt more like a wrestling match than winding down before bed. After I finally managed to get both dressed and ready for bed, normally Adrien reads several books to our older son while I breastfeed the younger, but now that I’m taking both on alone I’ve found myself negotiating with the baby in my lap to get him to focus on eating while also attempting to maintain the focus of my older son – this is where it all fell apart, both physically and mentally.
My overstimulation tonight hit HARD and I could no longer handle the baby on my lap or the toddler touching my face continuously… I threw a book on the ground, yelled, and wanted nothing more than to leave them in their beds and go hide in the garage… But then I saw my oldest’s face… I could tell he knew I was angry with them and seeing that look of shame and disappointment dissolved my feeling into nothingness.
I realized in that moment how poorly I was handling my own emotions when I spend so much time helping him regulate his by acknowledging and processing them in a healthy manner. I couldn’t even do the same for myself the way I ask it of my toddler or how badly I realized I needed that exact same validation from someone I love.
After that instant, I felt my emotions dissipate. I was able to set my feelings aside, apologize to both my boys, and finish their bedtime routine without another interruption.
It’s human to make mistakes, and when you do make them it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Remind yourself that not all days are peaceful and full of endless happiness, and it is okay to not get along with your babies (or spouse), but the importance is that at the end of your day the home is full of acceptance and love.
Please share any tips you have that help your kiddos with their bedtime routines – and know that you aren’t alone!
Much love,
The Anna Today 